Sunday, April 17, 2016

Retreat and Teenage Angst

Tears. Reminiscent laughs. Nostalgia. Closure.

I think those words pretty much summed up the Senior retreat––three days of reflection upon our high school years and treasuring the precious time we have left here.

But I'm sure a lot of you have heard enough about how emotional the whole affair was. I guess I'm just writing this as my own little reflection because I admit, like everyone else, I took more time reflecting on the importance of other people in my life than reflecting on myself. Then again, I reflect a lot on myself already––maybe I needed to pay attention to others for once. Or maybe it's the other way around. Who the hell knows anymore? Sometimes I don't know myself as much as I think I do, which makes it harder for everyone else to understand who I am. It's all a part of the teenage angst, though, isn't it?

So this weekend I started re-watching Freaks and Geeks and it still amazes me that the show had to be canceled––I think, especially nowadays, it's the perfect comedy with a twist of exaggerated adolescent angst. True, there are the jocks, the cheerleaders (for schools that don't have cheerleaders, than most likely volleyball players or some other sport group with a majority of girls part of the "peppy and preppy" or "prom queen" group), the mathletes, and of course, the freaks and geeks. That part of high school is always true. There are always cliches. I even saw it during our Senior retreat, despite the fact that we all did truly care about each other, there's always one group of people you care about more than the other. Not that it's a bad thing, I mean we're human beings and it's hard to love everyone equally. You'd have to be God to do that. Not that you shouldn't try, of course. You should always try––just don't beat yourself up if you fail every now and then.

Most of us set ourselves with high expectations, and those of us who don't are just the ones who once did and gave up because we realized that it's unrealistic to achieve so why even try in the first place?

I understand that a lot of the stuff I write can be offensive or radical, but that's how you know it's true––the truth hurts.

Personally, I'd categorize myself as probably a freak, but an in-between freak like Lindsay Weir is, and I think a lot of people in high school are that in-between, trying to find where they belong, or have already found their place in the hierarchy but deep down want to be somewhere else or are just too ignorant to know that they want something else, which is why the show is so relatable. I realize that long sentence was probably really confusing but I don't really feel like going back and re-reading it just to see if it'll make sense to any of you. In fact, a lot of the things I say might not make a lot of sense because they're literally just thoughts that pass through my mind at the moment I type it out. Which is also why you might come across the occasional typo.

Anyway, I am a freak. I'm not afraid to admit that, and I've come to terms with the fact. Most of my friends aren't really freaks, though. And in all honesty, that's probably why I feel pretty lonely sometimes. I mean, my best friend is a cheerleader. Polar opposites. She's always been there for me, though, and despite our vastly different social groups, we're closer than two peas in a pod. I think my roommate is a freak though (if you're reading this, no offense. It's supposed to be compliment), which has helped me feel comfortable in my room.

I can't really say all the reasons why I'm a freak because there are too many to even list on one post, and plus, how the hell am I supposed to know everything when I don't even know the reasons why I do things half the time?

We're all just trying to find our place and purpose, our identity––where we belong. I hope you find yours.

Best of luck with the search.

Time to set sail,

Alena

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