I've thought about the reasons over and over in my head, and a couple of nights ago, I basically wrote out an admissions essay in my head, the passionate feeling keeping me awake.
It started out when I was reading about the Stanford swimmer rape case, thinking maybe I'd want to be a lawyer to defend those who deserve justice, and not so long after, I read about the Orlando shootings, and how many people lost their lives, but also about how many lives were saved.
I knew either career could make a difference to someone, but when I thought about those 53 injured people from that shooting, or those still in the hospital...I knew I'd want to do what I could to help. Whether I end up in psychiatry or surgery, people need doctors.
"You'll be making lots of money."
That's usually the first response I get when I tell people I want to do pre-med in college, and it makes me sad to think that society has associated a medical job with money. You know what's sad? If a doctor's average salary was half what it is now, I bet the medical field wouldn't be so competitive. How fucked up is that?
I asked myself a question: if I got paid maybe fifty thousand a year instead of a hundred thousand, would I still want to be a doctor?
Yes. My answer is yes, because being a doctor doesn't mean you make a lot of money, it means you have a responsibility to care for people who need it, and that responsibility is one that all who wish to be a doctor to take seriously. Being a doctor is way more than just knowing the science of the body, but holding a compassion in your heart that gives you the strength to give a piece of yourself to others.
I realize a lot of actual doctors out there may think my idea of what a doctor should be is a little naive, and that I should be realistic because I can't save everyone, and because there will be times when I fail, but I refuse to believe that failing is the end of believing.
Don't sell yourself short, don't walk onto a path for money, don't lose your heart.
I guess I'm writing this to remind myself years from now why I'm choosing this, and I hope I sound convincing enough for me to keep going.
It's when you give up that you truly fail.
It's when you lose your heart that you're truly dead.