So you're having a crappy week. That's normal, and you're going to have a lot more of them, trust me.
That doesn't mean you should give up forever. Maybe just temporarily.
That's right. Just give into that longing to just lay down and blast music so loud you can't even hear yourself think; run until you can't feel yourself breathe; punch something so hard your knuckles bleed (okay maybe not that). Just do something to let out whatever's making you feel like you wanna give up.
Just don't go on self-destruct mode. It is probably the most dangerous mode any person can go into because you then have complete disregard for your well-being, and this affects the people around you. When that self-destruct button is on, that stuff that's bugging you inside will eat you alive. And you will explode, and there will be casualties.
You go into self-destruct mode when you try to fix everything on your own, when you try to carry all these burdens on your back and your back alone, either because you don't want to burden anyone with your baggage or because you're too ashamed to tell anyone how fucked up you really are. You may not even realize that you're doing this. You may not even realize that you're trying to avoid every single needle causing you pain. That's normal, too, because our self-conscious tends to try about protect ourselves from pain, especially if you've experienced trauma. But you need to recognize what you're doing. You need to stop and think, and you need to talk to someone. You need to take care of yourself.
That also means you can have fun. Go hang out with your friends. If you've been having issues drinking too much, partying too much, doing drugs too often, you don't have to do any of those things to have fun with your friends. If they're really your friends, they'll respect your choice and would love to go out to dinner or lunch or bowling or just drive around and see what you find. There's adventure waiting in the most unexpected places; you can't expect the adventures to find you, you have to find them. Life isn't going to just happen, you've got to make it happen.
So how are you really feeling?
Close your eyes. Picture your room.
The clothes inside your drawers are wrinkled and scattered because you keep scrambling for that favorite t-shirt or sweater or you were just too lazy to fold your laundry the other day. Your textbooks and notes are piled on your desk, which you leave there to remind you that you still have boat-loads homework to finish. Perhaps there's a few things on the floor that you just can't bother to pick up. Your trash bin is overflowing with junk you can't even name because it's turned a weird, freak-of-nature color.
Your room's a mess, so let's be real: you are a fucking mess. But you aren't alone in that mess.
The point is, it's okay to feel crappy. It's okay to feel like your life is way out of control and you're just a mess that you can't seem to organize. It's all cool, just organize a little bit at a time. Fold the clothes on one day, or even in two days. Tackle even just a little bit of that homework with someone else so you can finally store the books on a shelf on another day. Start small, and eventually, your room will be clean.
Yes, it will get messy again, and the process will start all over, but at least you'll know for a period of time it'll be okay, and you're not alone.
Alright, now it's time for me to listen to my own advice.
P.S. I've posted some of my poetry on the main site. I think I posted my instagram, too. But here are the links.