Sunday, July 17, 2016


There's a movie. And there's also a TV show. It's on Netflix, and if you're a parent, you may especially like this show.

It's funny because I know parents and I know teenagers and I know little kids that act like the characters on this show. You see, us teenagers don't really realize this at the time, but we're jackasses to our parents. As I'm watching this show, I can see myself in some of these characters and I think "Why are they being such asses to their parents?" and then I realize I've done and said some of the exact same things as them. Made me feel pretty bad, but praise my mother for giving birth to me and then having to deal with that (and still dealing with it on occasion).

What I especially like about the show is that it doesn't censor the reality: it's tough growing up, and it's tough being a parent, and neither party is perfect. I think I understand where parents are coming from a little better now; it all stems from their worries and love. Maybe parents watching this show would understand where the kids are coming from, too, I don't know. The truth about parenthood, it seems, is that it's a learning process with every single kid and grandkid, and there's drama with family in every family, no doubt about that. People are going to judge you and be overbearing and criticize you and then life is going to happen and you'll be so strained you don't even remember who you are anymore!

Life is just frustrating like that, but then there are the moments worth all of the stress in the world: a wedding, a new baby, a college acceptance, or even just a simple family dinner. At the end of the day, everyone is there for each other. Family.

Some people aren't close with their family like the Bravermans are. The show acknowledges that, too, but it shows that you don't have to be blood-related to be family. Love is what makes family, and that's a statement I stand by constantly, because sometimes blood-relatives can be, well, not very loving. Family should love you no matter what, that's why the bond is so strong: it's unconditional love.

I think Parenthood really lives out that value, and sometimes we just need that reminder.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Scratch that.

Scratch that last post about reasons I want to be a doctor, because I actually have no clue what I want to do with my life.
Funny, because I felt so sure before, but suddenly, I have all of these options before me, and I have no idea. I guess that's what college is really for though––figuring it out.
I just hope I don't make the wrong choice.

That's my biggest fear: making a choice I will regret for the rest of my life. It's like staring at your own very possible, impending doom.

But who cares, there's far more important things going on, like the fact that yet another cop killed a black american who was a father and a son, or the fact that there's terror spreading around the world because of poisonous wars and thirst for power. People are so sick it sickens me. I think that's why I'm having a tough time deciding what I want to do. I want to be a doctor or nurse to help those who're physically sick. I want to be a psychiatrist to help those who're mentally sick. I want to be a teacher to help educate kids growing up in a sick world. I want to be a writer to tell the few people that my writing falls into the hands of that it gets better, you can be better, we can all be better, and we can all chose to love or hurt. I want to be able to afford the best life for my future kids because they'll deserve the very best.

That's the problem; I want to fix everything, but there's only one of me. So what the hell do I choose? How can I choose to help the physically sick while the mentally sick are also on the edge of dying? I guess, to reassure my conscious, I could say that there are plenty of people in the world who can take care of those people. But that doesn't really make me feel any better at all.

I may not seem like it sometimes, in fact, I probably seem cold and uncaring most of the time, but I'm actually so fragile that my heart breaks for every stranger I pass by on the street, because I know that each and every one of them has suffered, is suffering, or will suffer because of the cruel world we live in. I just hope and pray that they know of love, too. I guess that's all an 18-year-old girl without a job or money can do. For now.