Wednesday, September 21, 2016

F riends U C an't K eep

This post is dedicated to all who have been hurt. 

I bet you just opened this because of the title and you were curious and hoping to see something completely insane.
Sorry to disappoint.

For all my regular readers, you might be surprised that I'm posting two posts in one week because even though I try to blog weekly, it never really happens. It's more of a monthly thing, but not this week, apparently.

Oh, and quick side-note update: Dannon yogurt has a greek pumpkin pie flavored yogurt and it is BOMB. I think it is, anyway. Wouldn't recommend it for the lactose-sensitive stomachs.
Alright, alright. I'll get to the real question you want the answer to here: why is this blog post titled "Fuck"?

WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AHEAD PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Depends on the context. Most of you already know the different meanings of Fuck, but in case you don't, I'll summarize it for you. This one word has a lot of different meanings; it can be a more extreme and less religious affiliated substitute for damn, a dirtier and less intimate word for sex, the next level of "messing with," "Screw this I'm just going to walk out of here and throw shit everywhere because I don't care about anything anymore!" Basically, the use of the word "fuck" will go 1 of 4 ways most of the time (some people find very creative meanings of the word, you'd be surprised): "Fuck. I forgot to turn in my paper." "Did you fuck?" "Are you fucking with me right now?" "Fuck this, I'm done."

So why the hell am I talking about this? Honestly, I was just staring into my future...thinking about all the science and math classes I might have to take... Fuck. Fuck this, I'm done. So, these are the thoughts that go through my mind, and I came up with this:

F - Friends (friends, including: family, boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband, school classes, basically anything in your life that is relatively important in your life)
U - You
C - Can't
K - Keep

Think about all of things that are fucking with your life....
.
.
.
.
.
.
Take your time making that list.
.
.
.
Do you have it? Okay. Now, get those F.U.C.Ks out of your life. You wanna know why? Because you only get ONE life--ONE. And when you get one life, you don't have room for F.U.C.Ks. You deserve to love and be loved, no matter your past. If you're studying something in college and you think "I fucking hate this," GET THAT F.U.C.K. OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND DO WHAT YOU LOVE.

You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who says, "Fuck you. I'm done," or "I fucked someone else." You don't want to be in a job where you say, "Fuck this, I'm done." You don't want to have a friend (or boyfriend/girlfriend for that matter) that says, "I was just fucking with you. I'm done now." You do not want F.U.C.K.s in your life.

It takes time to realize what/who the fuck are the F.U.C.K.s in your life and that's okay, but be aware, because it sucks to live with them. And F.U.C.K.s don't have to be things or people, even––it can be anger, depression, anxiety, jealousy––F.U.C.K.s are anything that are not making you happy, they are almost toxic. I'm still struggling with this. I've been going to therapy for four years trying to get them out of my life. We all have them, but we don't always try to get rid of them.

Like if you have an abusive partner. Or a grudge. Or a past that you just can't let go of. Believe me, none of that is worth holding onto. That anger that builds up inside and eats away at you, or that thought right before you go to bed of "why wasn't I good enough?" that steals your sleep––it's not worth losing yourself over. I'm not saying you should just let people walk over you, I'm saying you should let go, for YOU, and move onto the next step in your life. Stop fucking around with the F.U.C.K.s, because they most certainly don't give a fuck about you.

I know it's not easy to let go. I never said it was going to be. But you won't regret it, and you will be happy. Remember, everything is temporary, especially your life, your ONE life. If we all just took the time to sit back and reflect on all the beautiful moments and people in our lives and separate it from the dark and hurtful, we would all realize that love is the most important part of life and if you aren't spending your time loving, you're missing out on greatest gift of life.

If you've ever loved someone and lost them, you know heartbreak. I've lost six people to death, three to anger, two to ignorance, and all in heartbreak. Some of those people were not F.U.C.K.s. But some were, and no matter how much I wanted to fix everything, I couldn't. I had to let go and open my eyes to what I did have: love.
I have a best friend. I have two amazing, beautiful cousins. I have two dumb, math-nerd bros for life. I have two of the best college roommates. I have two little sisters that, one day, are going to ask me why the world hurts so much, and I'm going to remind them that even though the world hurts, love heals us. We all have someone or something that is the LOVE in our life.

So get rid of those F.U.C.K.s in your life and fill that bottomless vacuum with the LOVEs.

*Mic drop* 

LOVE,

Alena


Humanity

That title is very generic because I talk about humanity all the time anyway. I couldn't think of anything else though, so forgive me.

This is Week 4 of college. I like it, except for the fact I had to read one of the most boring essays I have ever read and I think that boredom poisoned me. Maybe I'm over exaggerating, but still. When I read something I'm not remotely interested in, my brain shuts down and refuses to focus. Instead, I'll focus on everything and anything except that one thing I HAVE to do. I'm sure most of you can relate to this.

Here's the thing about boredom, though: you can be doing a lot in the time you're wasting being bored. That's the real killer. You know you can be more productive and live life, but you're choosing not to do. It's called sloth. Laziness. Bum. Coach Potato. There's a lot of words to describe what you're not doing.

So what do you want to do then? Right now, at this very moment? Do you see it in your head? Now do everything you can to get there. Stop sitting around. Stop wishing you weren't bored. Drop everything that's slowing you down from getting there, because that's the only way you can crawl out of the hole of boredom. Your time is yours to waste, no one else's, but why waste what you can never recycle? I get that this is all easier said than done, but if you just remind yourself that you literally aren't moving anywhere by wallowing in boredom, you'll be surprised how much motivation you can gather.

Alright, enough about boredom because I'm getting bored just talking about it.

Have you ever been afraid to trust? That's a dumb question. Of course you have. Most people have anyway, and especially me. Especially now, because it is week 4 in a new place, and people tend to form closer relationships at this month mark, then your past heartbreaks begins to haunt you, reminding you to be careful. That doesn't really stop your heart from hoping though, does it? You see that cute guy or girl: "I hope they notice me;" you go into class: "I hope I pass this test;" you run onto the field; "I hope this is a win;" you walk into the world: "I hope I don't make a mistake." This is the cruelty of our minds––expecting perfection, this is the real heartbreak in our hearts––not being perfect.

So here's what I'll say to you.
Take a chance. Ask that cute guy or girl out because if they say yes, you'll have your chance, and if they say no, then you don't have to waste your time thinking about them and you can move on. Sure, the rejection may sting a little but so what? The pain is T E M P O R A R Y. Keyword: Temporary. Happiness is temporary, but hell, guess what? So is pain. Life is an endless circle of laughter and tears, so just live through it because you're never going to regret the feeling of your lungs bursting from laughing too hard (unless you die... I guess that happens sometimes but for argument's sake let's just say that doesn't happen).

That's how you stop boredom. You get up, and you trust. You trust that although not every day will be a great day, you will get through the bad days and the good days will come. That's a piece of humanity for you.

Now, seriously, just go talk to that cute person already. Take that test. Win that game. Make mistakes. But most importantly, live. Love. 
Yeah, I know it's cliché, but we still don't seem to listen even though we hear it all the time. I'm just reminding you.

Alright, 'till next time.

Your Proud, Imperfect Human,


Alena 

Monday, September 5, 2016

A New Stage

Hey readers,

Sorry it's been a while––it's been hectic, to say the least. Okay, I kind of hate the fact that I said "been" twice in one sentence but I couldn't figure out another way to say it and oh well, I'm human and not even the slightest bit perfect.

So I'm going to talk about transitions, which I've talked about quite a bit I think, but now that I'm in an actual period of transition, I thought I might relay some fresh perspective on the topic.
Anyway, I moved into my college dorm just last Friday, and for most people, this would be their first time away from home. For me, it was just another year, and yet another move. However, for the first time in a long time, I was home. Being back in the Pacific Northwest, where everything is a living, breathing green and thoroughly quenched, lifted my heart so high my smile bloomed from a long hibernation––if there is ever time you feel that, hold onto that. Because you are home.

After living in Southern California for so long, the first rainfall here in Oregon was like gulping down ice-cold water after days in a dessert with a raisin-dry tongue. I knew this place, and I knew what it was like to be away from home. Despite all of that, college is a transition. You're officially on your own, and no one tells you what to do. No one. Not that that was ever really an issue for me, time-management wise.

Honestly, I'm still getting used to people. Meeting new people, people that I've never seen before, never talked to before, people who're from different areas than I am––a fresh batch of people that I'm still getting to know. For a lot of people, that can be scary, and a little intimidating, because we all know that people judge you from the first moment they see you. They register your looks first, because their eyes will meet you first––they'll categorize you into the folders that society has made up: attractive, athletic, fat, ugly, asian, black, white, wealthy, ghetto, skinny. Unless they're blind, you will automatically be placed into a category, and no one can help that, because we all do it, consciously or unconsciously. So then there's the pressure to have the perfect outfit on the first day, and already, you're not being you.

I found myself constantly worrying about what people were thinking of me the first time they met me, because I've made awful impressions before, and I wasn't about to repeat any mistakes. That's when the lumped formed in my throat and I chewed on my lip, preventing myself from saying anything unless I'd thought long and hard about how I phrased my sentences. My thoughts would be so loud, but still struggle to find the right words, as if my hands were trying to grasp the air. People usually call this anxiety, but that just makes me sound crazy, doesn't it?

So the first week was nerve wrecking in the social aspect. However, I was pleased to find out that college workload actually isn't that different than the workload at my high school. The block schedule at my high school that made it so I only had a certain class a few days in the week is similar to how my classes are now, only it's more consistant. That's not important, though. Really, the only big difference is the professors don't remind you when the homework is due, but that's okay because all the assignment dates are on the syllabus anyway.

Depending on what college you end up attending, people are generally nice, mature, and open, so don't be afraid of the change. It's a new stage, and I'll end this by assuring you, no matter how overwhelmed you feel, or afraid, or nervous, or hell maybe you're excited––whatever you feel, just know that it's okay. It's better. It gets better. It always does.

Love,

Alena