I cannot say how difficult it is to accept that sometimes life is a steady line, especially after you've grown so used to the constant turbulence of raging seas.
I feel as if my memories of them are
slipping, like that hazy moment right before you're about to pass out
from the liquor running through your blood. It feels like the only thing
I can remember is that they're dead.
I guess that's a habit of
ours, isn't it? We recall the moments in which the people we once loved
slipped a knife into your back, slicing your heart. I know, brutal
image, but it sure as hell feels just like that. Sometimes people even
have the nerve to take the heart you offer in your hands and crush it as
they close it in their fists.
The world works in a
funny way. Sometimes these tribulations come in a war-like manner––bombs
falling out from the sky and polluting clouds grey, loss after loss
crippling you until nothing seems to matter anymore. Other times––
simple routine with friends and family, school or work with slight
nuances. Perhaps a brief existential crisis. No matter what, a majority
of us are always looking for something that makes us feel. . .
So what do you want in your life? Or, more importantly...
Who do you want to be?
we know who we don't wanna be, as Gavin DeGraw (bless his soul for the
song "I Don't Wanna Be") so relevantly expresses. We don't want to be
our mom, our dad, our brother, our sister, that one kid you always see
pick his/her nose when they think no one's looking. We're always
comparing ourselves to others. You want to be your friend that's better
in school than you, the one that can talk to new people with ease
analogous to spreading soft butter on toasted bread, while you stand
there trying to converse, which ends up feeling like you're forcing a
slice of refrigerated butter to flatten on the bread––you just end up
with an awkward clump of bread and butter. We always want to be someone
else, don't we? But why can't we just be a better version of ourselves,
instead of coveting what others have?
It's about the moment you question who you want to be and who
you need to be, who you want and who you need. How do you figure it all
Maybe the habit
to compare yourself to others is so ingrained into your minds that you
forget the possibility that you can be someone you like and still be
The concept can apply to the way you find friendships and
relationships. Ask yourself this: why did it end? When you get to the
source of why it didn't work, then you can ask yourself "so what do I
need?" Because a friendship, or more commonly, a relationship will end
for reasons which we often choose not to linger upon because we want to
simply move on with our lives, but that becomes a problem when you try
to begin another relationship. Sometimes we find ourselves repeated the
same mistakes because we fall for the same sort of person that it didn't
work out with before (I know that was a confusing sentence, but I'm
just trying to make sense of this as much as you are).
beginnings aren't so simple because you don't even know where the end
ends. Let's face it, we cannot pretend that our adversities haven't
distorted and deflated our once buoyant oblivion, but for all of you
who're stuck at a crossroad, I want to tell you something that may go
against what others have said: look back.
Don't linger. Don't despair.
from the heartbreak––whether self-inflicted or by the hand of those we
trusted, or even a stranger on the street––that tore at your innocence,
stripping you of your shreds of hope, because if you do not look back,
you won't realize that one path is really just a circle that brings you
right back to the start.
Human beings, even at the edge of hell, possess a resilience that can climb them out of the deepest abyss. Yes, we are only human, but we are also humans.
We can love and gather in laughter that flutters and kisses the late
summer night stars and moon and the universe, envious that such joy can
exist in animate beings.
The beauty of being human is,
despite the messy wounds that scar our hearts––together, magic dances
and sings and fights against the guns and war and loss that try to break
"We may not have it together, but together we have it all."