Friday, March 3, 2017

March 2nd & Layers of a Person

Yesterday was March 2nd. The date of Chris Martin's, the leader sing of my favorite band (Coldplay), birthday. Also the date of my dead brother's birthday.

Spring, a time of blooming life gushing out from the quenched roots in the soil, is a time of mourning clouds for me, like T.S. Elliot's poem "Wasteland." (If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it). You see, spring is the time that the winter snow melts, revealing the death and brokenness that lied underneath all that time; the smell of death becomes prominent in the rising warmth.
Spring. The season of their birthdays and death day, how ironic. March 2nd is the first date of this series, and it's usually the one with the meanest swing.

But something was different this year.

I met with an old pastor of mine who knew me growing up. I also met with my counselor (Rae). She's a RAE of sunshine (lame, I know, but my best friend thought it was funny). To say the least, they changed the inevitable downhill mood that March 2nd usually goes down for me. I usually end up tumbling down that hill until I hit the cushion of mud to top off the night––the grand finale to the pleasantries of March 2nd.

Anyway, they told me a few things that I think that every girl should hear (guys, too, but in relative social stereotypes, most likely applicable to women).
Imagine a cake. Any kind of cake––chocolate, ice-cream, vanilla, drizzling raspberry chocolate––whatever you feel like, but it has to have frosting and four layers. I'll explain in a minute why this matters.

The frosting represents the outside layer of people, particularly of a romantic interest. The actual layers of the cake represent the deep, sincere core of who that person is. Here's a picture to give you better idea of what I'm talking about:


You see, that outside layer is what blinds us sometimes. Even personality. We may be blinded so easily, thinking that "Personality" shows the core of that person. "WOW! We both like the same type of ice cream? Obviously it's meant be." I'm not even going to say that's an exaggeration, because I've definitely heard that more than on one occasion.

Now, even if you do get into the core, people, especially women, make the excuse that lack of good character is attributed to lack of maturity. However, a person's character almost never changes; maturity does. The way I see it, maturity is simply development of already existing characteristics. A lot of people have this idea that if their partner is acting childish, it's due to the fact they haven't matured yet and they will change. They just need to grow up a little. But what if this person is just childish? Love really does blind us, and for this reason, I try to be more objective about someone I've just met. I'll just tell the truth: I don't trust myself when it comes to love, only because I've been a victim to disillusionment. I could say it all started with my father, but to tell the truth, I think that caution has always resided in a dwelling within me. It just took years of tragic betrayal to draw it out as a conscious being actively living in my mind.

Anyway, if you really want to know about character, look at how the person treats their family, friends, elders, etc. What are the consistent characteristic that unfolds in their relationships? Are they patient? Kind? Conceited? Light-hearted? Narcissistic?
Faith does refer to religion. This is controversial, but really, you need to ask, "Does this person respect my beliefs? Are they open? Are they willing to listen?"
Values refers to culture; do they value structure, family, academics, etc.

These layers are the core of a person. Unconsciously, I have evaluated these layers of my friends and family. I have stuck with them because, they are, at the core, beautiful beautiful people. When I think about it, I realize I have many friends, but none of those relationships are surface-layer relationships. I deeply value each one, and can sincerely say that they are the parts of my heart that beat with light. Any goodness and resilience that I may possess comes from these people, and for that I owe them the world.

You owe it to yourself to have the best. Too often, we are told to not have expectations because we will end up alone, but that's not true. The thing is, there's a balance. You have to take the risk–– calculated risks. Basically, is this person worth the risk? Listen to your heart, but also your mind. They are a working unit that functions to make decisions that will bring you happiness.

Yesterday was March 2nd. The date of Chris Martin's birthday. Also the date of my dead brother's birthday.

But this spring, the roses may finally sprout from the soil of heartbreak.



Alena



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