Tuesday, June 6, 2017

TUB

For most students and teachers, summer beings around this time. Summer began at the end of April for me––yeah, pretty early. But I was glad to get away from the school work for a while and focus on working to save up for next summer and also get some writing and reading done, finally. However, I've hit a rough patch, sorta. I know what I want to write, but I can't seem to write it right. So I decided to write a blog post instead.

I thought I might talk about TUB––The Ultimate Betrayal, a term I've borrowed from The Romantics by Leah Konen. In that story, TUB was Gael's girlfriend Anika and his best friend Mason hooking up while Anika was still with Gael. I can't tell you how many times I've heard such betrayals from fellow classmates and friends. You'd think that in real life maybe it wasn't so dramatic; maybe someone would cheat, but it would be with a complete stranger.

Wrong.

It seems that almost 9 times out of 10, it always happens with one of your friends. And that double sucks, because weren't you supposed to trust your friend, too? It a 2-in-1 betrayal, which I guess is why it's called TUB and not just B.
Although this is a great betrayal for most, if that ever happened to me, I would be a crossroads on what is considered TUB in my life. Can anything ever beat my father's betrayal (MFB)? I know I would be heartbroken if I ever experienced TUB, but somehow I find it hard to believe that TUB would be TUB for me personally.

It wouldn't make the betrayal hurt any less, though. Just because you've been shot, doesn't necessarily make you immune to the little pricks of a needle––those pricks still draw blood. And for those of you who have experienced such trauma (maybe you've actually been shot), remember that. Just because you lived through a bullet wound, doesn't mean you can't flinch away from a pinch or punch or whatever. It doesn't make you invisible. You're still human, and you're still breakable.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, or make myself feel bad. I'm saying this because sometimes I believe that I shouldn't be so sensitive after everything; I should be tougher, stronger. I shouldn't be afraid, because nothing could possibly hurt me as April 24, 2011.

But maybe that's the point.

I'm not supposed to feel that level of pain ever again, but that doesn't mean I'm never going to feel pain.

I'm not immune.

None of us are.

If you wanna cry over a failed test even though you've lost everything in the past, then freaking cry. Because the worst of the worst do not invalidate the pain of just the worst. (Does that even make sense?)

The Ultimate Betrayal..
I think everyone has a different idea of what theirs is. For Gael, it was his best friend and girlfriend hooking up. For me, it was April 24, 2011. For you, it might be your mother promising to stop drinking and then not. It might be your friend promising to be there for you, but then they're not.
One way or the other, betrayal results in abandonment of some sort; we are left to face a hollow hole of darkness alone.
And at that point, the only person that can get you out is you. You can choose when you want to get out. Take your time. But don't stay there forever, because there are people that need you. People that miss you. People that will not betray you. People that will love you. But you have to choose. No one is magically born strong. 
It's a choice.

Love,

Alena





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